The birds are singing!

I have had a wonderful day! The weather is beautiful, not too hot, not too cold and a beautiful sun shining down, letting us see the beauty in the world that surrounds us. I was also able to be a part of some great professional development and meet some great new people today. Meeting new people and making new friends is one of life's simple pleasures if you ask me. I'm also very excited for the work that lies ahead of me in my professional life.

On top of all this I have a lovely massage with and amazing RMT soon. I also have plans to watch 1981, a French film, with a close friend this evening.

I hope everyone is having a good day too. It's the good days we have to celebrate and cherish.

New glasses, new outlook

I got my new glasses after work today. It's funny how much a new pair of glasses can do for someone. It was beautiful out and I could see everything so clearly! Okay, time to get to more work!

I got the keys...

I got the keys to my new apartment today! I love it but I still have some anxiety about the whole moving process. I'll be fine but I think it's just natural. I have the movers booked and I have this place for another month so I can slowly move my stuff over. You know how they say "You can't buy time", well I think I just did. Well I've got to get packing!

25 things I learned before age 25

I recently turned 25 and I thought it would be fun to make a list of 25 things (life lessons) I’ve learned until now.

1. Do not stick your hand in the VCR it always ends badly.
2. Don’t be lazy-do the job right the first time. You just end up doing double the work in the long run.
3. It’s really nice to have a clean apartment.
4. Life isn’t always easy sometimes it’s hard, really hard.
5. Best hangover cure: don’t get drunk.
6. If you eat crappy food you’ll feel like crap.
7. Don’t take things or people for granted.
8. Always trust your instincts.
9. Dance whenever you hear a good beat.
10. Don’t worry what others think. They’re too busy worrying about what you think to notice.
11. It’s okay to cry.
12. Your parents don’t always know everything.
13. Walking for hours can be therapeutic.
14. I cannot be perfect so I cannot be mad at myself for every little mistake.
    
15. I will always love the smell of new books.
16. You are not invincible. You will not always be healthy so take care of your body.
17. What you learn in school is only the beginning. There are lessons that you can only learn through living.
18. What kind of person you are is more important than the amount of money you make.
19. You might think you’re doing the right thing but someone else might disagree.
20. Wear sunscreen because being cooked like a lobster is NOT fun.
21. Everyone has good qualities and bad qualities. Do their good qualities out weigh their bad?
22. Stretch.
23. Don’t be afraid to try new things.
24. Most people want to initiate a conversation but don’t know how. Say “Hi” and start the conversation yourself.
25. Invest in a good mattress and good bedding. There is nothing like a good night’s sleep.

I’d like to thank all my family and friends who gave me a wonderful birthday. 

So much in so little time

I should really write everyday. I feel that, recently in my life, so many changes can occur within such a short period of time. I promise to write more once I have finished my course that I am taking right now. But for now I should start talking about some of the changes.

On my second day of apartment hunting I found an amazing apartment. It has laundry in the building which for me is a luxury. It is close to a subway station and a very good friend of mine. Yes, I am paying more but it'll be worth it in the end. I have a month overlap from the new place and this one so I'll be able to move the majority of my things over slowly by myself and then I'll have to hire a moving company to help me with the big stuff. So I'm really happy about that.

I went to Quebec during the long weekend to visit a friend of mine's parents. It was so refreshing to see what a normal family is like. No yelling, no walking on eggshells, no drunken nights, it was wonderful. They were so loving and kind, which makes sense because this friend of mine has her head screwed on straight.

I'm still working on The Artist's Way but I am finding it hard to keep up with the tasks and do the work for my course. I have also been working out way less because of the time involved. I know this is not a good thing but I am making sure to take time out tonight to go to a yoga class. This will be my first time going to this yoga studio and my first time practicing yoga at a studio since I left Windsor two years ago. I'm really excited. I guess I'll consider it my birthday treat to myself.

I will start writing more often and then I'll be able to do into more detail. Hope all is well with everyone else. If you are having a tough time please realize it will get better. I feel like my tough time is getting better.

Here is a photo I have taken with my cell phone to help me to remember my first apartment and my experiences there.

I have decided to move

I have come to terms that this is a time in my life of change. Some of these changes I have no control over and that is new position and location of my work. The next is my parents separating and my mom moving out of the house I grew up in and into a condo. The next issue is that my landlords want to sell the house that I live in. 

I'm getting fed up with the amount of time I have to be out of my apartment for viewings, how I have to keep it super clean and how much stress this is causing me.

I have decided that I am going to put myself back into a position of power. I am going to move and into a real building. There are many upsides to this and I have to focus on the positives.

I cannot wait till I can write about more positive stuff and show my true colours but for now this is all I've got. 

It's been awhile...so many changes

It's funny how life is. Sometimes your life changes slowly, because of decisions you've made for yourself, and those are the time when you want things to change the most. Other times, you just want things to be. You like the way things were and you just wanted it to stay that way. It is at this point where without warning the tornado of life grabs you, whips you around, and places you in uncharted territory.

This is where I am right now. I will soon be starting somewhat of a new job, at a new location. I had no choice but to switch, it's part of the job for newbies. (I would like to keep my job somewhat of a secret, thank you for understanding). My landlords are looking to sell the house, of which I rent out the top floor. This could mean that I might possibly have to move out of an apartment I love.  I signed up for an online course before all of this tumult began, what a silly mistake. On top of all this I have a heavy workload in my current job.

However, I am still continuing to to work through The Artist's Way, in order to unlock my creativity, and maybe some happiness to go along with it. Through all of this I have also learned what is really important. Here are a few of those things:

• The connections you make with people.
• Taking care of yourself.
• Friends and family, (the good ones, the bad ones are toxic-stay away).
• Being happy. I have learned recently that this one isn't always easy. How foolish I was to think it was easy.
• No one is perfect, not even you, so don't try to be.

These are just a few of the things that I am learning, I could probably go on forever...

I am two weeks away from turning twenty-five and if I look put myself in my shoes at fifteen I would have never thought life would be so hard. Mind you, I know I'm not starving or anything to that effect, but I never thought life was so hard for ordinary folk, I guess. There is also a lot I am not sharing that would make these statements more understandable. 

My main point is that I now look upon those older than me with more respect. They made it through, they may be still figuring things out - I think we'll always be - but at least they keep on going. I have no clue what the future holds for me but I must keep on moving and doing what I think is best for me. 

P.S. I am making it my duty to have more entries.

My week without reading

Long time no post... I spent this last week not reading. It was difficult seeing as I was very sick for a few days and was forced to stay home from work. The reason I did it was because I was on week four of the Artist's Way during which reading is prohibited. I'm a huge reader so this was tough.

I have today off, yay! and I have chosen to do some sorting and cleaning. I cannot believe how many towels I had. How many towels does one girl need? I guess my mother's answer would be, "A whole bunch!" Anyhow, I am cleaning and I have the new water colour pencils I bought this morning as my reward for a job well done. I cannot wait to experiment with my new toys.

Aren't they pretty?

Libraries and my realization that I am a feminist

I have to say that one of my new favourite places is the library. I have always been an avid library goer however, it was never for myself. I would go for work or a kid a was tutoring. I have just recently realized that I could benefit from the library as well. Take a book, read it it bring it back. Does life get any better?

I have recently started to going to the library one a weekly basis. It is a five minute walk from my place and it has so much to offer. I can go pick up a book or ten for that matter, if I don't end up liking them I just return them. I have recently started to go to the library to pick up materials I have put on hold. These usually consist ACOA books, books on how to paint, draw and whatever else might tickle my fancy. I usually end up walking up with those books along with some cookbooks, some cds of world music and anything I might be interested in but wouldn't buy for myself.

The other day after attending a PD session in which half of the day was dedicated to equality I realized I was a feminist. I have always realized that there were injustices against women and that things were not always fair but I did not realize that there was a word for this. (Or maybe I was just afraid of it like so many other women are.) But on to what happened happened at the PD session.

We were asked to do an activity in which we created a web with our name at the center and words that are associated with ourselves around it. We were then asked to put a rectangle around all of the things that made us feel included and a triangle around the things that made us feel excluded. I put a triangle around the fact that I am a women. There were me and two other women around my age at the table, the one women agreed with me, the other did not see anything that made her excluded. This was hard for me to believe. We discussed this and so did the speaker. I don't know which is better; seeing the injustices and wanting to make change but not knowing where to start or living in a land of flowers and lollipops?

Long story short, I have realized that I am a feminist and am now using the library to cure my need for knowledge and literature. Thank god for libraries and thank god I am not stupid enough to go on anything like the Real World. Those show make me sick.

On a side note, I am an avid tea drinker and I have just made myself my first pot of tea from fresh mint leaves. It is delicious!

Here we go...

This will be my first and last warning. I will write whatever comes to mind and I will write it however I feel like writing it on that given day. Although, this is a blog, I am writing primarily for myself.

I guess I should introduce myself. Hello, my name is Jocelyne, I am twenty four years old and I live in Toronto. I moved to Toronto a year and a half ago, ready to embark on an adventure. I had a new job, in a new city and a new apartment with little friends.

After months of crying and confusion I can now say that I am very happy with my decision to move. I love my apartment, my new friends and my job. The thing that I am most thankful for is all the experiences I would have never had, had I not moved. I have since done many new things, so many that it would take way too much time and effort to list them all. Here are a few: I made a bowl out of clay, I have done some flying trapeze, I have gone to many musicals and other shows, I have discovered different foods, different people and different ways of doing things. Overall I think for the first year of my life here, something strange or new happened everyday.

One of the most important parts of moving here was learning to live on my own. This was tough at first and I remember the first time I cut my finger instead of  the cucumber I was trying to slice, I thought to myself, "If I were ever to be really hurt, I would have no clue where to go." However, with time I learned where the hospitals were, just incase.

Everything was going great in my life, or so I thought. I had entered into the second year of my career, my students were great along with their parents. I was sick for a bit, but I recovered. I remember the day when my world came crashing down. Had made the four hour drive back home to see my family for the Family Day weekend. when I arrived my mom informed me that my had has been living at my uncle's for the past two weeks. She told me what had happened to spark this and also informed me that my father is an alcoholic. My father is an alcoholic. This was the tough part of the equation. I had spent years dealing with my father being drunk, going overboard, repeating himself, making stupid comments, getting angry when he was asked to stop and the whole time I just didn't understand why we lived like this. Well now I know, it was wrong and we didn't have to and we shouldn't have.

Now when I said I was dealing with my father's drunk spurts. I wasn't actually dealing with anything. I was, like most adult children of alcoholics, not feeling, not talking and just plain trying to forget. This is what brought me to where I am now.

I figured I have few options with how to deal with this pain, these flashbacks and all these weird feelings. I could continue to bury them deep inside me and hope that I would never have to see them again. I could hope all I wanted to but they were here starring me in the face. I could just fall into the pain and let depression take over. Which seemed like a good option until I realized I had rent to pay and I had no choice but to work. Or, I could work through this pain and recover as hard as it may be. So basically do the very things which scared me the most. (My massage therapist likes to tell me that whatever we don't want to do the most, is usually the thing we need the most).  In the end I know I made the right decision.

I have chosen to recover. What does that mean recover? I don't really know however, I feel like I am on the right track. I am reading various books and trying to listen to me and take care of me. I am reading The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron, which I have borrowed from my massage therapist. I am only three weeks into the twelve week program and already I feel a change for the better.

I'm going to be honest, I have no clue why I am starting this blog. I just got the urge about a half hour ago and I decided to follow that instinct. In a way I want to chronicle my journey into this new life or new way of living I am creating for myself. I am doing a lot of this through my journaling and my beloved morning pages however, I just feel the need to create a little more. So after bearing the most intimate details of my life and giving you a little background into myself I will now continue to discuss whatever I see fit on that particular day.

One thing I did want to mention is that ever since I was little, and still today one of my favourite things to do is to wake up to the sound of the birds singing. There are few things in this world that are better than the sound of the birds in the morning.