My week without reading

Long time no post... I spent this last week not reading. It was difficult seeing as I was very sick for a few days and was forced to stay home from work. The reason I did it was because I was on week four of the Artist's Way during which reading is prohibited. I'm a huge reader so this was tough.

I have today off, yay! and I have chosen to do some sorting and cleaning. I cannot believe how many towels I had. How many towels does one girl need? I guess my mother's answer would be, "A whole bunch!" Anyhow, I am cleaning and I have the new water colour pencils I bought this morning as my reward for a job well done. I cannot wait to experiment with my new toys.

Aren't they pretty?

Libraries and my realization that I am a feminist

I have to say that one of my new favourite places is the library. I have always been an avid library goer however, it was never for myself. I would go for work or a kid a was tutoring. I have just recently realized that I could benefit from the library as well. Take a book, read it it bring it back. Does life get any better?

I have recently started to going to the library one a weekly basis. It is a five minute walk from my place and it has so much to offer. I can go pick up a book or ten for that matter, if I don't end up liking them I just return them. I have recently started to go to the library to pick up materials I have put on hold. These usually consist ACOA books, books on how to paint, draw and whatever else might tickle my fancy. I usually end up walking up with those books along with some cookbooks, some cds of world music and anything I might be interested in but wouldn't buy for myself.

The other day after attending a PD session in which half of the day was dedicated to equality I realized I was a feminist. I have always realized that there were injustices against women and that things were not always fair but I did not realize that there was a word for this. (Or maybe I was just afraid of it like so many other women are.) But on to what happened happened at the PD session.

We were asked to do an activity in which we created a web with our name at the center and words that are associated with ourselves around it. We were then asked to put a rectangle around all of the things that made us feel included and a triangle around the things that made us feel excluded. I put a triangle around the fact that I am a women. There were me and two other women around my age at the table, the one women agreed with me, the other did not see anything that made her excluded. This was hard for me to believe. We discussed this and so did the speaker. I don't know which is better; seeing the injustices and wanting to make change but not knowing where to start or living in a land of flowers and lollipops?

Long story short, I have realized that I am a feminist and am now using the library to cure my need for knowledge and literature. Thank god for libraries and thank god I am not stupid enough to go on anything like the Real World. Those show make me sick.

On a side note, I am an avid tea drinker and I have just made myself my first pot of tea from fresh mint leaves. It is delicious!

Here we go...

This will be my first and last warning. I will write whatever comes to mind and I will write it however I feel like writing it on that given day. Although, this is a blog, I am writing primarily for myself.

I guess I should introduce myself. Hello, my name is Jocelyne, I am twenty four years old and I live in Toronto. I moved to Toronto a year and a half ago, ready to embark on an adventure. I had a new job, in a new city and a new apartment with little friends.

After months of crying and confusion I can now say that I am very happy with my decision to move. I love my apartment, my new friends and my job. The thing that I am most thankful for is all the experiences I would have never had, had I not moved. I have since done many new things, so many that it would take way too much time and effort to list them all. Here are a few: I made a bowl out of clay, I have done some flying trapeze, I have gone to many musicals and other shows, I have discovered different foods, different people and different ways of doing things. Overall I think for the first year of my life here, something strange or new happened everyday.

One of the most important parts of moving here was learning to live on my own. This was tough at first and I remember the first time I cut my finger instead of  the cucumber I was trying to slice, I thought to myself, "If I were ever to be really hurt, I would have no clue where to go." However, with time I learned where the hospitals were, just incase.

Everything was going great in my life, or so I thought. I had entered into the second year of my career, my students were great along with their parents. I was sick for a bit, but I recovered. I remember the day when my world came crashing down. Had made the four hour drive back home to see my family for the Family Day weekend. when I arrived my mom informed me that my had has been living at my uncle's for the past two weeks. She told me what had happened to spark this and also informed me that my father is an alcoholic. My father is an alcoholic. This was the tough part of the equation. I had spent years dealing with my father being drunk, going overboard, repeating himself, making stupid comments, getting angry when he was asked to stop and the whole time I just didn't understand why we lived like this. Well now I know, it was wrong and we didn't have to and we shouldn't have.

Now when I said I was dealing with my father's drunk spurts. I wasn't actually dealing with anything. I was, like most adult children of alcoholics, not feeling, not talking and just plain trying to forget. This is what brought me to where I am now.

I figured I have few options with how to deal with this pain, these flashbacks and all these weird feelings. I could continue to bury them deep inside me and hope that I would never have to see them again. I could hope all I wanted to but they were here starring me in the face. I could just fall into the pain and let depression take over. Which seemed like a good option until I realized I had rent to pay and I had no choice but to work. Or, I could work through this pain and recover as hard as it may be. So basically do the very things which scared me the most. (My massage therapist likes to tell me that whatever we don't want to do the most, is usually the thing we need the most).  In the end I know I made the right decision.

I have chosen to recover. What does that mean recover? I don't really know however, I feel like I am on the right track. I am reading various books and trying to listen to me and take care of me. I am reading The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron, which I have borrowed from my massage therapist. I am only three weeks into the twelve week program and already I feel a change for the better.

I'm going to be honest, I have no clue why I am starting this blog. I just got the urge about a half hour ago and I decided to follow that instinct. In a way I want to chronicle my journey into this new life or new way of living I am creating for myself. I am doing a lot of this through my journaling and my beloved morning pages however, I just feel the need to create a little more. So after bearing the most intimate details of my life and giving you a little background into myself I will now continue to discuss whatever I see fit on that particular day.

One thing I did want to mention is that ever since I was little, and still today one of my favourite things to do is to wake up to the sound of the birds singing. There are few things in this world that are better than the sound of the birds in the morning.